Breakfasting with a Bat


Last night around 11 Nate, Em and I called it a night and started to make our way to bed. I gathered up my things, called the dogs to me and walked upstairs to the attic apartment that I’ve been living in this summer. Normal night.

Set my things down, walked toward the window to shut it for the night and had something flutter past my head!  I turned to see a wing of a bat fly to the top of the bookcase and land. I kid you not, I dropped. Dropped to the floor, straight on my back, making freaked out muffled yelps of “oooohhhhh Sh**&^*&$*&$!” Emma and Sadie were crawling all over me thinking that this was their chance to get some extra snuggle time.  I quickly made my way downstairs urgently whispering down the hallway to Nate and Em’s room to alert them…who I am kidding, it was to alert HIM, alert Nate of his current “man of the house” duty of bat catcher.

We came upstairs with skittish guns blazing…or mops and curtain rods waving wildly in the air. I felt the need to create some sort of bat-catching-suit so as to prevent any direct contact with said bat at the point that we would collide in his attempt to get out the window.
It was a whole lotta poking into bookcases, behind TVs, underneath couches. After 30 minutes we figured that the little bat had found it’s way out the cracked window in the kitchen. We Googled “Bats in House” and found out that they don’t like light, they have excellent sense of direction and can squeeze into the tiniest of places.

It was concluded that the bat had either already found it’s way out of the apartment or sometime during the course of the evening be drawn to the open window and fly away…

SIDENOTE: we had turned the lights out to try to create a sense of peace that the bat would feel comfortable to fly out into the night sky, when I walked over to the large windows that were open into the night sky I was witness to a storm of bats flying in mad circles right outside the window (shuddering now at how close I came to losing my life…or sanity at least).

When we had semi-concluded that it would already be outside Nate made one last suggestion to go check my bedroom.

“NO!” I shouted. And then sheepishly told him that I hadn’t cleaned and had piles of laundry everywhere and would die if he saw the state of my room. I should mention that these are piles of clean laundry, give me credit for getting the job halfway done :)

“Besides,” I said, “the door to my room was closed anyway, there’s no way that the bat was in my room.”
This morning I woke up to the sound of something scratching near my ear…
I looked at my pillow and saw THIS BAT next to me!!!!!!!!

Again the dropping, jumping, shuddering, muffled panicked cursing all exploding from me.  I stood frozen, well nearly frozen, I took the time to find another bat-catching-suit of a towel, oh and to take a picture of the sucker, blah!

I swung the window open hoping that Google was accurate when it said that bats will find their way out…it took the blasted rat-with-wings 15 dreadful minutes to stumble around all of my clean laundry, get stuck in the basket, attempt to fly back and forth across the room, climb back on my bed, walk around a bit, sit and shudder for a full 2 minutes. And finally I had the guts enough to throw my bat-catching-towel-suit on to the blanket that the little bat was nestled in and pitch the entire swaddling mess out the window onto the roof below. I slammed the window shut and slammed my face up against the glass desperate to lay eyes on the bat and confirm that it was in fact in that blanket, which confirmed that it was no longer in my room, near me, in my breathing space, on my pillow, laying eggs in my laundry basket (I don’t even know if they lay eggs or birth babies, I don’t care, I just wanted it gone!)

Confirmation of Bat Eviction Complete.

It was a strong cup of coffee this morning. Could have been stronger.

I am still shuddering 3 hours later. Praying that those bat eggs don’t hatch.

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About Lauree

Four years ago I was doing production for an arena tour, finishing off my African studies degree and wandering through life. In God's wicked (like in the British slang sense of the word) sense of humor I moved to the Czech Republic to be his number one Reluctant Missionary! I love my life, the good the bad and the ugly!
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7 Responses to Breakfasting with a Bat

  1. BritBoat says:

    OH! MY! FREAKIN! GOSH! I would have pissed my pants right then and there…and prolly passed out. Would not have muffled any screams but rather loudly proclaimed that the winged rat was that close to my head! You are sweeter roommate than me for trying to be considerate. I shudder right along with you friend. Wish I could give you a big hug–making sure, first, of course, that there are no bat baby eggs on you–bring you to bosom, and let you know it’ll all be ok. Lastly, I would tell you that I love you SO HARD and that’s all that matters when bats attach your face in the middle of the night.

    • Lauree says:

      I needed to hear that from my little southern lady!! I love you too, SO HARD! It is still shudder worthy Brit, we would have fought that bat together, prolly in some bedazzled bat-fighting-outfit!

  2. YIKES!!! Now that is some serious missionary peril right there! So thankful that you are still alive and not in the hospital with rabies and fang marks!! A woman of courage indeed!

  3. Claire says:

    Oh. My. Goodness. This just makes me cringe!!!! Good story though! :D

  4. Theresa says:

    GREAT story and one I am sure you will get to share many times!! I can’t imagine waking up to a bat on my pillow. Are you laughing about it yet?

    • Lauree says:

      Kinda of…and then when I thought about it more I started to get queasy and then when a random doctor sent me and email saying that she saw pictures on Instagram and wanted to highly recommend that I go get a rabies shot, it started to freak me out more. And last night when I went upstairs and there was another bat flying around, I’m freaked out. We are calling an exterminator today!

  5. heidi says:

    Ugh, gross out to the max. You are a SUPERWOMAN. Scream! – that thing on your bed!!!

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